World's Largest Beer Bong - Sanford Bike Fest

Yeah, here we go again bein' totally politically incorrect, but man-oh-man was it a hoot. About two weeks ago, our Orlando area writer-rep, Carolina Dave, and his bud Craven, from Tattudio, came up with another of his crazy schemes to add some fun and levity to a biker event. They'd heard about something called the world's largest beer bong contest in Milwaukee this summer and started talkin' about it: "A hundred and forty people - man, that's nuthin', bro. We could come up with a whole bunch more 'n that."
So the plan was born - but now it needed to be fleshed out, promoted and the bong hadda be built, and there was only a week and a half to do it.

Carolina Dave and I had been working on The Sanford Bike Fest Event guide and he asked me if I could come up with an ad for the contest to include in the Guide. "Sure, bro. We can handle that. It oughta be a good contest and make you even more infamous than you already are!"

Next he talked with the folks at Wayne Densch Distributing, the Budweiser distributor for the great Orlando area, and they agreed to sponsor the event with a couple of kegs to fill the bong. Times are pretty tough, and since they couldn't find another sponsor, Carolina Dave and Craven hadda dig in their own pockets for materials to construct the monster Beer Bong. Then they hadda cnstruct the contraption. Since they both have 'real' jobs and businesses to run, it meant six long nights workin' til the wee hours to get the beer bong built in time, set up and ready to go.

They accomplished their mission with hours to spare and got the bong set up with 152 seperate 'nipples', udders, teats or whatever in the hell you wanna call 'em. When Kirby, owner of Seminole Power Sports, got a look at the 'ingenius' beer drinkin' device, and the thousands of folks millin' around, he stepped up, in his understated way, and donated $250 to Carolina Dave and Craven for the materials. "That's biker ingeniutiy!" Thanks, Kirby - takin' care of bikers. And it's also the way he runs his motorcycle, ATV and personal watercraft dealership and is just one more example of why Seminole Power Sports has been Dixie Biker Recommended for over eight years now.

Carolina Dave, Doug and Craven spent most of Saturday, October 11 recruitin' folks for the 5 o'clock beer-bong-blast off. Not being allowed to set up near the main stage made their job a little more difficult and Dave was hoarse with not much voice left by the time they got it goin'. But gittin' 'er done? They did. Shoot, they even enlisted Boots, below, to participate though she was in a wheel chair and full leg cast.

Another pretty lady, below, demonstrated proper technique.

'Course they hadda hype the hell outta the event, get folks lined up under their tubes and give instructions to the rookies so it actually got goin' at right about 5:30. The sun was beginnin' to set and shadows were gettin' long, but the temps were still in the low ninties, so folks were ready to quench their thirst with some ice-cold draft. These two pretty young ladies primed the kegs then threw the valves and filled the bong with Bud.

Then Carolina Dave gave some last minute instructions on how to operate the valves on the individual nipple lines and counted down, "Five, four, three, two, one ... SUCK!"

And they were off!

One hundred and fifty two brave souls commenced to bongin' the beer. Some drank it, some wore it and others hurled it back up afterwards. Even Kilo, the beer chuggin' dawg, wasn't left out (below) as his owners took care of him and let him suck up some of the little bit left in the hose afterwards.
Even Carolina Dave got to get him some beer as a reward for all his hard work (below). Folks don't realize it, but these kindsa events are always great for the participants, but they're a helluva lotta work for the person puttin' 'em on. Great job, bro. You da man.

Miranda with the tee shirt the participants received for taking part in the event. What a hoot.

And if you think we're 'terrible' people for doin' this kinda thing, don't post nasty comments about "What kind of stupid bs contest is that?" or taking us to task for doin' it. We don't wanna hear your whiny remarks and you telling us it's not politically correct. We don't give a shit what you think. If you think this kinda thing isn't right, mind your own effing business, don't read about it and get a life. No one got hurt, it isn't against the law and the participants paid to be a part of it.