Computer Use - Obama and McCain

An Obama campaign ad disparages McCain's ability to use a computer and suggests McCain's "out of touch"....

To that, we ask ...

Can Barack Obama, the annointed one, land a jet fighter on an aircraft carrier? At night?

'Nuff said.

From reader Patty S.

1st & 2nd Amendments in One Picture

Says it all, doncha think?

Here's Something to Warm You Up

Man, it's freezing in Florida today. In the 30s and it's still October. Holy Moly. Must be global warming. Here's something to warm you up - a little rock 'n roll from Big Engine:

Florida Anti Biker Law - License Tags, Wheelies, Speeding

After hearing so many interpretations of Florida's new Anti-Biker Law, we wondered what in the hell was the real deal. Luckily for us, we have a reader who's also a practicing attorney. He's put the legalese into laymen's terms for us.
Thanks, David W., Esquire.
----------------------

The weather for Biketoberfest this year couldn’t have been better, but there was one subject other than the perfect weather that was the big subject of discussion everywhere we stopped. Everybody’s talking about the new Florida motorcycle law that went into effect on October 1st, 2008. The new law is FL Statute 316.1926, and it covers wheelies, tags and ex-ceeding the speed limit in excess of 50 mph. This new law originated last year from Florida House Bill #137, which quickly became known as the Anti-Biker Bill.
This new law that came from the Anti-Biker Bill is a little difficult to understand because it is written in typical legislative legalese. It’s vague; it references several other statutes for much of the information (FS 316.2085 (2), (3), and FS 318.14 for the penalties), and it’s just plain hard to understand as it’s written. It’s as clear and fun to read as a how to book on changing a transmission gear on a metric rice rocket. But, remember most legislators are lawyers, and while the convoluted mumbo-jumbo legalese expressing the legislative intent of statutes is sort of a professional self preservation for we attorneys, it’s not allowed in statutes. Laws must be clearly written to be valid, and so far this new law has been misinterpreted by everyone. This should lead to its ultimate repeal, but that will take awhile, and there are going to be a lot of tickets issued between now and then.
So here’s the plain talk. The basic intent of the new statute is three new rules:
1) no wheelies.
2) license tags must be displayed horizontally, and
3) enhanced fines for exceeding the speed limit in excess of 50 mph.

The big problem with the statute as it’s written, is that it made all three issues punishable by the same penalty as the penalty for the excessive speeding, and that penalty is steep. Whether this was intentional or a mistake is still unclear, but here’s the law as it is now written:
For a first offense it’s a $1,000 fine; second offense is $2,500 and loss of license for one year, and the third offense is a third degree felony punishable by up to 5 years in prison, a $5,000 fine, and loss of license for 10 years. Yep, you heard me right—having your tag mounted vertically is a $1,000 fine for the first offense, etc.!
I know you’ve heard many different stories already about the tag fine. I heard several versions myself while at Bike-toberfest. This has been a matter of great confusion so far, and there have been many different interpretations of the penalty portion of the statute. Even the cops don’t seem to have a uniform understanding of this new law. Recently the Tallahassee Clerk of the Courts issued an Advisory Bulletin that clears up the confusion and clearly states the rules and penalties. With the publication of the bulletin, there is now no doubt that the penalty for wheelies, tags or plus 50 are all the same. For those so inclined, you can read the bulletin at: http://www.floridaabate.com/Library/Library/CourtClerkBulletin082008.pdf Mr. Mike ‘Radar’ Price, State Legislative Director for ABATE of Florida, Inc. has been actively following this bill on behalf of all bikers since its inception, and we all owe him a thank you for his efforts. On the ABATE website, Radar tells of checking with his local police department and then with the local sheriff’s office to get some clarity on the new law. Both offices looked up the statute and both departments incorrectly interpreted the fine to be $125.50, instead of the correct amount of $1,000. But the lucky chance that you may get a ticket for only $125.50 for one of these offenses has now run out since the clerk’s office published the official interpretation with the higher penalties required.
You may be asking yourself, why do we need this wonderful new law to regulate motorcycles, and who came up with such a great new idea. Well, this whole mess started last year when this newbie state representative, Carlos Lopez-Cantera of Miami, witnessed some bikers driving recklessly, in his opinion, during a biker rally ride-along with the Miami police. That’s right! A ride with the Miami Police Motorcycle Division, and they didn’t have a problem with the riders. (Here’s this ding-a-ling’s website; please send him a letter thanking him for his fine work against bikers. http://www.myfloridahouse.gov/Sections/Representatives/details.aspx?MemberId=4357&SessionId=57).
Anyway, the bill he introduced was targeted specifically against motorcyclist and quickly earned its more popular name of Anti-Biker Bill. Well, Mr. Cantera is not a lawyer, and it seems he didn’t know that laws have to meet constitutional standards of fairness and can not be unjustly discriminatory, so with the help of some of the other legislators, the law evolved to include not just motorcyclists but all Florida drivers exceeding the speed limit by 50 mph. Earlier versions of the bill also had proposed penalties of forfeiture of your bike, but with the efforts of several motorcycle support groups such as ABATE, that seems to have been excised along the way also. Well, here’s the problem: the bill may have been broadened to include all drivers as to the speeding, but the wheelies and tag issues are still subject only to motorcycles. So presumably you could mount you car tag vertically, or pop a wheelie in your street-legal dune buggy and it would only be a $125.50 fine. But do it on a motorcycle and you pay the big fines. Now you understand why the bill earned the name Anti-Biker Bill.
Hopefully, this new law will be overturned. But, it’s going to take awhile for the cases to make their way through the court system and ultimately to the appellate level for review.
As for wheelies, we already have laws that prevent wheelies. Wheelies have always been subject to reckless driving citation; just ask someone who's done one in front of a cop before this new law. The best lawyer in the state isn’t going to get you out of a reckless driving citation if you get caught doing a wheelie in traffic. But if it’s open road and no one is at risk but the rider, who cares? Not me. (e.g. helmet law arguments). At the risk of overstating an obvious, wheelies have an inherent penalty; if you blow it, you’ll pay in both injury to yourself and damage to your bike. So why do we need a new law with an unreasonable penalty that specifically restricts wheelies? The laws we have cover it, and raising the price on the ticket to a ridiculous amount isn’t going to stop it from happening. It’s just going to tempt the person doing it to run.
On a side note, the new law doesn’t address wheelies with passengers, and I’ve seen those before and think there should be a heavy fine for that. But like I said, we already have lots of laws, and a wheelie with a passenger can already be a criminal offence and a civil tort (you can be sued by the passenger, even if you land the wheelie and the passenger is not injured). We already have tons of laws; just ask a lawyer.
The way to stop wheelies and unsafe driving is talking and showing safe riding. Attitudes are contagious. Encourage friends to ride safely, and tell friends when they shouldn’t ride home. On the other side of that and, more importantly, let’s all listen to our friends when they try to tell us the same. Legislators like making new laws, but we have laws that cover anything you can think of several times over already. New laws usually just muddy the waters and make things worse. What’s next? No black leather jackets when riding at night, because it makes the rider hard to see.
Let’s hope Rep. Lopez-Cantera doesn’t get that one started. Next time let’s talk about the do’s and don’ts when you get pulled over for a ticket.
Have fun, but keep it safe.

Biketoberfest Silly Politically Incorrect Biker Game

Had a great time last Sunday (October 19) with a couple of thousand of y'all at our Traditional "C ya for Bike Week Party" at Trader Jack's Roadside in DeLand. Here's a shot of the infamous Vibrator Races, one of several games we did that day. Pretty funny.

We'll get more on the Party posted as soon as we get the November issue of the magazine put to bed and to the printer. This picture is from one of readers, Dennis P. of Paisley.

United Socialist States of America

Sent to us fourteen times in the past three or four days.

'Nuff said.

What Happens if we elect a moron?

But what happens when we elect folks that nominate judges that ignore the constitution or believe it is a "living" document?

Political Statement - BIketoberfest 2008

One of our readers, Z-Man from Winter Haven came out to our Biketoberfest 2008 "C ya at Bike Week Party" at Trader Jack's Roadside in DeLand with a shirt that got lots of applause from the hundreds of folks there. We like it. Thanks, bro.
And thanks to the thousand or so that dropped in throughout the day. We hadda blast and will have all the coverage in the December issue of Dixie Biker Illustrated. We'll try to get some stuff posted here in the meantime, but gotta get November issue finished up first.

Biketoberfest 2008 - Old School Chopper Show

Thursday morning dawned sunny, bright and I was headin' to my favorite Bike Show during Biketoberfest and Bike Week - Willie's Ol' Skool Chopper Show at Tropical Tattoo. This is the show for folks that appreciate building a bike to ride. No $50k bolt on parts; no $10,000 paint jobs. Just bikes folks build in their garages to ride.

I rode out about 9:30, hooked up with half of our Jacksonville writing team, Tim (below with a Dixie Biker Hello as we headed over the Granada Bridge) and headed to the Deadwood Saloon on US Hwy 1 across from the Iron Horse. I hadda drop by to pick up our Dixie Biker Illustrated Biketoberfest 2008 spokesmodel, Missi R. She was gonna be the Hot Chick part of the Ol' Skool Chopper Show.

After loadin' Missi on the DixieGlide, in Boots' seat (Boots was comin' in the pick-up cuz of her broken leg and wheel chair), we headed south on Hwy 1 about six miles to Tropical Tattoo. We hadda get in early to get things set before the hordes started arriving! Before I forget ... I gotta give a shout-out and thanks to my bro Ronnie, owner of Deadwood Saloon and McHenry's Irish Pub in Flagler Beach, for lettin' us hijack Missi for the day. She's workin' a beer tub at the Deadwood Saloon the entire 10 days of Biketoberfest and we kinda 'borrowed' her for the day. She'll be back workin' today (Friday) and thru the weekend, and will definitely be on hand for our Dixie Biker Biketoberfest Happy Hours party tonight!


The Ol' Skool Bike Show registration 'officially' starts at 12 Noon, ends at 2 o'clock and then the judges do their thing. Those in the know, however, start arrivin' by 11 am and Marcus graciously gets 'em registered and parked. Though this bike (below) isn't what the show's all about, Chopper Dan outta Jacksonville asked Missi if she'd git on it for a couple of pictures before the lot got jammed.

Looks pretty good, doncha think? Nice lines, huh?

Each year we've met hundreds of folks enterin' their bikes in the show, and are also surprised by some of the industry's long time chopper builders droppin' by. Below is Dave Perowitz with Willie and Missi.

In true-to-the-core old school fashion, Willie doesn't pay appearance fees, endorsement fees or any shit like that. The builders drop by to see what folks like you and I are buildin' in their garages with help from small, local shops or wrenches. They may be 'famous', but they're true to their roots and just wanna git out and see y'all - the real deal folks buildin' for the love of ridin' the open road. Not buildin' those pieces of crap Bike Night bar-hoppin', bolt-on chrome from a catalog bikes with thirteen miles a month on the odo. But I digress ...
Missi was lookin' fine as hell in her basic black bikini, but Willie wanted to get her in a Tropical Tattoo "I'm Not You're Role Model" tee. No problemo. She got one on but Boots (though a little hindered with her full-leg cast) hadda make some modifications after Missi said "C'mon Boots, help me out here ... make me HOT!"

"Shoot, girl," replied Boots. "You're hot-as-hell as it is, but com 'ere - I'll hook ya up."


Well Boots hooked her up and Missi was hot so of course I hadda get a picture of her with the Dixie Glide.



Then Chopper Dan decided he needed some more pictures of Missi on his bike so he rolled it around back and we kinda did our thing. He promised Missi a good tip for some pictures ...



' Course anytime you get a hot chick on a chopper you're gonna git lotsa whore-doggin' men around shootin' pictures. Least the folks were generous with the dollar bills when Boots hollered, "Tips, boys! She's gotta make a livin'!"


Our West Coast writer-rep, Dice, rode over for the day with his road bro Magic. Ya know I hadda get a picture of them ...



... and then a shot of the lovely Missi on Dice's awesome Shovelhead.


This bike show is what livin' in the Southland's all about - good folks hangin' at a local joint, shootin' the shit under a couple of old oak trees out back, sippin' beers and tellin' lies. Then every year, guaranteed, you'll see some shit that just makes you say, "WTF?!" And some crazy dude, like Noah (below), rides up on something he put together in the back yard under that ol' oak tree. This is the PBR Bobber. Course he didn't put it in the show, he just rode up to check out the bikes and then folks were checkin' out his shit, shakin' their heads, laughin' and sayin', "WTF" or something similiar. Way to go, Noah.

I hadda take a picture of Dennis Panzik, artist extraordinnaire who does all my paint, airbrush and mural work, cuz he was wearin' one of our not-so-world-famous Dixie Biker Gun Shirts.


The back yard is great for parkin' -- if ya get in early. If you come in late it's across the street or next door for the bikes not in the show. Frontside is reserved for Show Bikes.

GI Bill rode in from Ft. Hood, TX for the show. He recently retired from the Army and had the time to ride his Pirate themed bike across the Southland. I took this picture early in the day, and later on Bill was rewarded with a Show Trophy - I forget which class.

While the show was goin' on, the Willie's ink-slingin' crew were inside workin' -- Tropical Tattoo is a workin' Tattoo Shop, after-all. And that reminds me -- I gotta talk to Willie about some kinda special party. They'll be celebratin' their 20th Anniversary at this location this year. Man-oh-man - twenty years. Here yesterday, today and tomorrow. With that kinda history, why in the hell do folks go to little tents or trailers to get some ink during Biketoberfest and Bike Week? I don't understand that -- what in the hell are they thinkin'? Some scratcher that's gonna be gone in two days when ya got a shop that's been in the same location for twenty friggin' years. Oh well ... I'll get off the soap box. Below is Bosco layin' down some art on Justin.




Willie and Company started givin' out awards a little early - around 3:30 instead of the 4 pm annouced time ("Man, Monk, it's friggin' hot, bro! Can you bring Missi up now instead of at 4 o'clock? I'm gonna start the awards at 3:30 cuz it was so friggin' hot!" Good call, bro!

On the way out front, I ran into old friend and long-time advertiser in Dixie Biker, Andy Anderson, owner of Custom Iron in Deleon Springs, and his world famous rat shovelhead. "Yo, Andy!" I hollered. "Com'ere. I gotta git a "Beauty and the Beast" picture!" Oh, by-the-way, Sandy: I put him up to it. Kick my ass next time you see me, not Andy's!



We got around front finally and immediately ran into Billy Lane of Choppers, Inc. A good ol' Florida home boy who builds awesome, one-of-a-kind bikes famous throughout the land. But, like I said earlier, he's one of the ones who keeps it about Bikers - not YUP RUB weekend ten-mile ridin' folks.


Anyhow, first award of the show was "Billy Lane's Chopper, Inc. Choice Award." The proud winner had an awesome Panhead which was his daily ride. Here he gets congratulations from Billy and told the crowd a little about his ride.


Roadside Marty, MC of the Show, was whinin' (above) about not seein' enuff boobs and ass so he made an announcement beggin' and pleadin' for some hotties to give him a shot. Some pretty ladies obliged the fat boy, gave him the view then turned to the crowd.

'Course all the camera hadda come out then!


One of the class winners with Missi.

Roadside Marty got a big surprise when his Shovelhead was chosen as Cycle Source Editor's Choice for the Show. He's been MCin' an judgin' the show for several years, but was really surprised this year! He was so excited he swept Missi off her feet. Look at that big ol' shit-eatin' grin on his face. "Just goes to show you can get an awesome ride for under $5 grand," he told everyone.

Dixie Biker readers Chuck and Lori (above) rode in from Interlachen and went home with an award for best Rat Bike. Congratulations to you guys! Then reader Jimmy, from Weeki Watchee (right) got his picture with Missi. He won the Panhead class after ridin' in straight from Ohio. He hadn't even made it home to the West Coast of Florida. "I wouldn't miss this show, Monk," he told me. "First heard about it through Dixie Biker five or six years ago and I've been comin' ever since and it looks like it finally paid off for me. I've been coveting this award. It's the best chopper show on the planet! Thank you Willie and Company and DBI! You guys keep it real."

By the time Missi and I loaded up around 5 o'clock, the back yard had pretty mcuh emptied out, the shadows were gittin' long and it was good to get back in the breeze.

It was a long, hot, but absolutely great day. Hangin' with awesome people, kick-ass bikes, a great host in Willie and Company, and not to mention gittin' to hang out with our Spokesmodel Missi all day. Man, it don' git no mo' better 'an 'at, y'all.

Hope to see y'all on Thursday of Bike Week 2009 for the next iteration of this awesome show.

Biketoberfest - Daytona Beach

Wednesday
Biketoberfest officially begins on Thursday, October , but there's a lotta bikes in town already. I took a ride this morning to check out what's happening. If course folks were cruising Oceanshore Blvd (Hwy A1A).

And while I was ridin' over the Granda Bridge I snapped this shot of Crunch, from Tennessee, cruisin' it ol' skool style.
I hung a right on US Hwy 1 and cruised North to the Ormond Strip to Deadwood Saloon. I hadda do a little coordinating with Ronnie, the owner, for our Biketoberfest Happy Hour party on Friday night. I ran into Missy, below, serving up a couple of customers.
And Jennifer was rounding up folks for the bikini bike wash she was doin'. She got plenty of business this fine, warm day.

After finishin' up the plannin', I rode home and picked up Boots to go to the airport to pick up her girlfriend, Pup, who was flyin' in from New Hampshire. We cruised down Main Street - no vendors allowed to open until Thursday, but there were still plenty of bikes and cages. "Welcome Biker" the banners said. But they won't even close off Main Street for bikes only!

After pickin' up Pup, it was back to the Deadwood Saloon for a couple of brewskis and hot chicks. That's Missy with Pup and Boots.And of course Boots hadda talk some junk. She's crackin' up Nicole when she talked to her about doin' a cover shoot for Dixie Biker.

We watched this guy go down while he was tryin' to negoiate the corner. We helped him right his crotch rocket and then warned him about our slippery sand after makin' sure he was okay.

This group hadda unass their bikes to get the "tourist shot" for the folks back home. It was taken in North Peninsula State Park. We were hangin' out waitin' on our Jacksonville writers and I just shot some random pictures.

We had dinner with those Jax writers - Tim and Christy - at Snack Jack's in Flagler Beach. Great chow, great time and what a way to end the day,And tomorrow is one of my all time favorite events - Willie's Ol' Skool Chopper Show. We'll post that tonight or tomorrow morning

World's Largest Beer Bong - Sanford Bike Fest

Yeah, here we go again bein' totally politically incorrect, but man-oh-man was it a hoot. About two weeks ago, our Orlando area writer-rep, Carolina Dave, and his bud Craven, from Tattudio, came up with another of his crazy schemes to add some fun and levity to a biker event. They'd heard about something called the world's largest beer bong contest in Milwaukee this summer and started talkin' about it: "A hundred and forty people - man, that's nuthin', bro. We could come up with a whole bunch more 'n that."
So the plan was born - but now it needed to be fleshed out, promoted and the bong hadda be built, and there was only a week and a half to do it.

Carolina Dave and I had been working on The Sanford Bike Fest Event guide and he asked me if I could come up with an ad for the contest to include in the Guide. "Sure, bro. We can handle that. It oughta be a good contest and make you even more infamous than you already are!"

Next he talked with the folks at Wayne Densch Distributing, the Budweiser distributor for the great Orlando area, and they agreed to sponsor the event with a couple of kegs to fill the bong. Times are pretty tough, and since they couldn't find another sponsor, Carolina Dave and Craven hadda dig in their own pockets for materials to construct the monster Beer Bong. Then they hadda cnstruct the contraption. Since they both have 'real' jobs and businesses to run, it meant six long nights workin' til the wee hours to get the beer bong built in time, set up and ready to go.

They accomplished their mission with hours to spare and got the bong set up with 152 seperate 'nipples', udders, teats or whatever in the hell you wanna call 'em. When Kirby, owner of Seminole Power Sports, got a look at the 'ingenius' beer drinkin' device, and the thousands of folks millin' around, he stepped up, in his understated way, and donated $250 to Carolina Dave and Craven for the materials. "That's biker ingeniutiy!" Thanks, Kirby - takin' care of bikers. And it's also the way he runs his motorcycle, ATV and personal watercraft dealership and is just one more example of why Seminole Power Sports has been Dixie Biker Recommended for over eight years now.

Carolina Dave, Doug and Craven spent most of Saturday, October 11 recruitin' folks for the 5 o'clock beer-bong-blast off. Not being allowed to set up near the main stage made their job a little more difficult and Dave was hoarse with not much voice left by the time they got it goin'. But gittin' 'er done? They did. Shoot, they even enlisted Boots, below, to participate though she was in a wheel chair and full leg cast.

Another pretty lady, below, demonstrated proper technique.

'Course they hadda hype the hell outta the event, get folks lined up under their tubes and give instructions to the rookies so it actually got goin' at right about 5:30. The sun was beginnin' to set and shadows were gettin' long, but the temps were still in the low ninties, so folks were ready to quench their thirst with some ice-cold draft. These two pretty young ladies primed the kegs then threw the valves and filled the bong with Bud.

Then Carolina Dave gave some last minute instructions on how to operate the valves on the individual nipple lines and counted down, "Five, four, three, two, one ... SUCK!"

And they were off!

One hundred and fifty two brave souls commenced to bongin' the beer. Some drank it, some wore it and others hurled it back up afterwards. Even Kilo, the beer chuggin' dawg, wasn't left out (below) as his owners took care of him and let him suck up some of the little bit left in the hose afterwards.
Even Carolina Dave got to get him some beer as a reward for all his hard work (below). Folks don't realize it, but these kindsa events are always great for the participants, but they're a helluva lotta work for the person puttin' 'em on. Great job, bro. You da man.

Miranda with the tee shirt the participants received for taking part in the event. What a hoot.

And if you think we're 'terrible' people for doin' this kinda thing, don't post nasty comments about "What kind of stupid bs contest is that?" or taking us to task for doin' it. We don't wanna hear your whiny remarks and you telling us it's not politically correct. We don't give a shit what you think. If you think this kinda thing isn't right, mind your own effing business, don't read about it and get a life. No one got hurt, it isn't against the law and the participants paid to be a part of it.